BLAH!

I do wish I knew why I keep bangin my head against the wall about the issue of a finding a BF. The energy spent on it and the engery spent in the emotions broguht up are wasted and only serve to muddle things up even more. Plus I really need to learn why I am attracted to these guys I don't have much of a chance with it is lust? an actual connection? or am I that desperate for a BF that I will try for any possible connection no matter how painful, or harmful it could be to me or the other person? I am also wondering why I am even making connection with people as friends. Its becoming a bit too appareant that the only connection I have with many of them is sex. Not that I have had sex with them all but we all seem to have simliar interests beyond the general like of men. Every time I have been to hang out with a friend in the past few weeks there really hasn't been a topic of discussion in many of the conversations that I know anything about. So I end up feeling like a retard cause I don't know this stuff. and even if I did know it I doubt I'd come up with anything worthwhile to say about it or that correct. I am hoping that if I go to the Eagle tonight I will be able to hang out with friends and hopefully laugh at people. Cause I sure could use that about now. Well I guess that's all for now.